They are two markedly different kind of person.

The man is highly expressive in nature and he does so with a dramatic and natural flair that gives him a confidence and nobility that is apparent to all who is around him. This man craves all the best that life can afford him.

The woman is simply gracious, warm and affectionate with sprinkle of compassion and intelligence as well. She knows how the human heart loves and would never think of separating herself from such a beautiful quality. She can be naive and unrealistic about the world and other people, but it is simply because she is innocent and assumes the best of her surroundings. Love relationship brings out the best of her as she always fits to the mold of her lover and has the highest respect for her man. She is not much on expressing herself but she always gives it her best shot.

Both of them should understand the others’ level of dedication as well as trying to figure out their own.

This man likes to set the ways that the relationship goes. His authority shows through and the rules of the game are laid down. As confident and aggressive as he is, deep down him, he is still worried that his woman may take over, or try to. If this does not work for the woman, she may give up with the relationship. The only thing after this point that upsets him more than losing her is the fact that she didn’t take his advice on the matters at hand before going..

As with the time their trust and faith increases, they share one of the most compatible relationship. They both give each other the freedom and love; they crave for and promise to return to each other’s arms. While she gives the lessons of humbleness to him, he teaches her to be more focused and realistic. There are plenty of skies they glide over and plenty oceans they swim through to make their love stronger and reliable. She respects him and makes him feel bolder and more masculine while the shower of love and pamper given by him, makes her turn into a beautiful rose from a mere little bud. There is always an unspoken mystery in their love which God leaves to them to solve and cherish till eternity.

The initial attraction between them is strong and their sexual attraction is even stronger. Everything is beautiful and magical between them.....or it was.

Source: Ask Oracle

It's time to say goodbye, I guess.

So.....it's been a year.

I still clearly remember how it used to be.

That evening, my life seemed to finally found its destiny when it comes to heart-matter.

Under the Saturday rain, gentle touch.

And for the first time in my life,

I can't be more sure that I did feel my soul has finally awaken and it changes everything.

The moment I really and literally listened to my own yet turns out,

a year later which is now, it has become a very remarkable lesson, an unforgettable one.

Those times where I felt like dying but in the meantime, I also felt so alive.

Just all because I didn't realize something at the first place..that's heading me to who I am now.

And I can't do anything but to be grateful..

Today, since it ends, and I know everything has changed,

I command myself to close that story, take the lesson and moving up.

Hoping for a better me..

Sincerely, Me, who wants to thank you. :)

For Katarsis Larva (2)

 Untuknya yang tak kunjung pergi

By : Pishella Suryoputri

cc : Writing Club Psikologi - Event

Karena bersamamu adalah mustahil..

Karena akan membutuhkan waktu selamanya untuk membuatmu memahami perasaanku tak nihil..

Percakapan antara dua hati ini selalu berulang namun tak pernah menemukan ujungnya

Demikian pula dengan segala jatuh-bangun yang ada.

Ketidaktegasan yang menghancurkan tiga hati sekaligus pada akhirnya

Ketidakfahaman, ketidakpastian, mungkin merupakan hal yang mutlak dalam kehidupan yang nanar..

Namun,ke-tidak-punya-otak-an-untuk-bertahan-di-atas-rasa-rendahdiri-dan-dikatakan-penghancur-atas-apa-yang-sudah-semestinya pun rasanya tak benar..

Rasa sabar memang tak terbatas, namun manusia punya yang namanya rasa lelah.

Hasrat yang tak tentu arah.

Serta dimata siapapun jelas salah.

Dan mungkin itu yang membuatnya menyerah.

Walaupun harus kalah.

Selalu diputarbalikkan kisah  hingga pasrah.

Harusnya tau, bahwa semakin banyak yang diterima, semakin banyak pula yang nanti harus dilepaskan.

Dengan atau tanpa kerelaan.

Walau sesungguhnya bersedia mengorbankan apapun untuk menunjukan kesungguhan.

Namun untuk menjadi tamu kehidupanpun rasanya terlalu menyakitkan.

Mematahkan semua angan-angan.

Memupuskan semua harapan.

Mengikhlaskan dengan ratapan.

Bertahan dengan sisa-sisa kekuatan.

Dengan ekspektasi memperbaiki keadaan.

Tanpa merasa menjadi pihak yang paling tersakiti,

Menyadari cinta tidak seharusnya begini.

Mungkin semua ini tak lebih dari obsesi.

Kesalahan interpretasi yang mengakibatkan kerusakan hati hingga mati.

Dan jalan yang tersisa hanyalah pergi..

Mungkin selama ini aku takut, karena aku kalut.

Walau bukan sebagai peran terindah di hatimu,

Cerita yang panjang rasanya sejak pertama bertemu,

Sampai pada tatapan yang menyadarkan adanya rasa itu

Dan berdua dibawah naungan hujan yang membuat pilu

Bukan niat menjadi kekasih utama,

Hanya selamanya ingin kau merasa lebih baik dan bahagia

Sayang bukan aku orangnya

Walau diri ini mengetahui takdirnya

Dua jiwa yang dulu bersatu kini tiada guna

Tlah ku baca tugasnya di dunia

Membuatku benci menyusahkannya

Walau mustahil bagi hati melupakannya

Mencintaimu sungguh sulit

Tapi lebih tak mudah tuk menghentikannya walau pahit

(Most of them are from my previous post http://pishellasuryoputri.blogspot.com/2013/04/till-its-depth.html)

For Katarsis Larva (1)

Reinkarnasi

By : Pishella Suryoputri

cc: Writing Club Psikologi - Event

Wahai, Semesta..

Penguasa bagi segala yang nyata dan fana..

Andai boleh aku bertanya,

Namun janganlah kau murka..

Jika dapat kau katakan

Apa aku berbuat kesalahan

Siapa aku di masa lalu

Hingga kini ku jadi benalu

Untuk hidupku sendiri

Parasit bagi sosok yang rumit

Berbelit hingga semua terasa pahit

Aku benci menjadi empati

Aku lelah menjadi pasrah

Berulang kali aku diberi kesempatan hidup

Dengan kekuatan yang tak kunjung redup

Hingga aku terpaksa menjadi tertutup

Bukan aku tak bersyukur

Tapi jiwa-jiwa ini semakin lebur

Dalam dunia yang penuh takabur

Alam yang sulit mengerti arti kata jujur

Seringkali aku lemah dan termangu

Menanggung perih yang bahkan bukan punyaku

Ingin rasanya berontak..

Namun bukan tugasku tuk menggertak

Memendam apa yang kudengar

Suara hati dan hingar bingar

Berbagai dimensi ku arungi

Menjadi saksi lapisan kehidupan yang terjebak hingga masa kini

Mereka tak mengerti,

Mereka tak memahami..

Tapi itulah mereka yang tak mau membuka mata..

Biarlah paham dengan cara pemaknaannya

Terkadang..

Ketika otak sedang kehilangan sinkronisasinya dengan hati, ya jadi begini..

Hasrat melompat, terbebas dari dunia yang selalu memberi batas,

Lari dari semua sinergi yang terus melingkari kemanapun aku pergi

Mungkin..

Aku hanya merindukan masa ku sebelumnya, ketika aku menjadi siapa..

Saat itu aku memilih melintasi malam, menanti rembulan atau lampu dan cahaya..

Saat manusia sudah tak bisa lagi memaklumi isi hati nurani

Kembali aku berteman dengan sunyi

Menyadari tak seorangpun mampu lari dari kenyataan

Atau memilih tempat kita akan dilahirkan

Yang dapat kulakukan hanyalah bertahan

Sambil terus menjalankan kewajiban

Tuhan punya rencana, dan aku percaya

Walau takdir terus mempermainkan dan tertawa

Menampar diri dengan kepahitan realita

Untuk menyadarkan aku ini siapa..

Dan kepada jiwa-jiwa yang terluka..

Bersabarlah, hingga kehidupan berikutnya..

Sambil terus berjuang bersama..

 

Unexpressed thoughts kill..

"Unexpressed emotions will never die.

They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways."

-Sigmund Freud

Seandainya segala pikiran-pikiran gila ini dapat tertuang dengan mudah.
Khayalan, ide-ide, kepercayaan.

Karena itulah, saya kagum dengan orang-orang di luar sana, seniman, penulis, dan siapapun yang dapat dengan cerdas mengemukakan pendapatnya, mengkatarsiskan perasaannya melalui suatu karya.

Rasanya, begitu banyak yang ingin diutarakan, namun terlalu rumit untuk ditata.

Hasrat untuk menuliskan mengenai hal-hal yang dianggap menarik dan saat membicarakannya membuat saya merasa hidup,

Filosofi dualisme dan trialisme; Reinkarnasi; Past Life Regression; Mitologi Yunani; Chakra; Pandangan pribadi tentang Agama dan kepercayaan; Old Soul; Hukum-hukum Alam; teori-teori Psikologi; tokoh-tokoh inspiratif kesukaan seperti Carl Jung, Mother Theresa, Socrates, Dalai Lama; Pengalaman; Emosi; Mimpi; Cita; Cinta; atau bahkan sekedar membahas puisi-puisi, film-film, buku-buku..

Pada akhirnya, saya tidak dapat menemukan jawaban apapun untuk merekonstruksi ulang keinginan berasertif tersebut, selain mulai mengurutkannya pelan-pelan.
Sebelum semua menyerang balik.

I'm not a genius, I guess I just need a little time,

as I am the one who's having an infinite mind..

-Pishella Suryoputri- 

Barbitch.

Sekumpulan cerita di dalam Barbitch karya Sagita Suryoputri, menampilkan kisah para perempuan dari sisi abu-abu kehidupan. Para tokohnya bercerita tentang pengkhianatan sahabat, cinta segitiga, manipulasi kekuasaan, perempuan dengan kecantikan bagai boneka, perpecahan keluarga..dan semua hal yang kadang disembunyikan masyarakat demi terjaganya stabilitas sosial dan moral. Mereka ada di sekitar kita, namun sering kita menutup mata bagi mereka. Mereka berpesta dalam hentakan musik yang keras hingga tenggelam di bawah kerlip lampu warna-warni berkilauan. Di balik perjuangan demi kehidupan yang lebih baik, mereka tampil rupawan dan elok dipandang mata seakan dunia berjalan tanpa masalah.

Hingga yang tersisa tinggallah pilihan: membenci atau mencintai mereka.

*

Today, I (finally) got the chance to read my sister's book. Actually it's been released two weeks ago, but since I should read this without my mom knows, twas kinda not easy for me. And this evening..where I sat on the corner of my room, did nothing but read for about two hours, finished this book. I'm speechless. Now I don't even know how am I supposed to feel..

Those heartbreaking stories arranged with splendid structure of words..every fact and fiction she poured out into writing, every implicit and projection feeling. How it brought so many memories, how it got me knows much, how it made me to open my eyes bigger about what's going around while all this time all I can do is pretending to know nothing-trying to be careless-don't wanna be seen that i'm hurt-refusing every bad thing just because I won't accept reality, yet in the mean time, she suffers much, she does endless struggle.

Sometimes, people always think that they are the most unfortunate person in this world, how they hate their life and see it as hell. But they should remember, sometimes it's better to look beneath the line of other people downcast journey to realize that we are lucky enough, to reminds us what gratitude is.

And that's what my sister did. Not only to me, but i'm sure that she inspires many people out there with her true act..the way she always be true to herself.

She shows people that no matter how miserable life is, it has no right to stop us from make a good work.

I can never directly say to her how adorable she is in my eyes even with all of her weaknesses and bad side. But nobody is perfect, right. She is the first person I chose to be my role model. The one who taught me how to stay strong in life..we can't run from our fate, we can't choose where we born, but we always have choices to face it and make it better. God even universe has a plan for everyone..I believe they only chose certain and great people to have an extraordinary life, because they know that we are strong enough to handle it. Sometimes fate plays with us to slap our consciousness therefore we realize who we are, what is our gift. Yet it takes time and probably that's why some people give up. But not my sister.

After all..

May thank you saying would never can pay everything you did for me and the whole family..just watch me grow up, sist. And I promise I'll be a good person whom our parents could rely on later, so you don't have to bear everything alone, no more. I can't believe I tear up right this time.. I remember the words you said to me on your launching night, "jangan dibaca, nanti lo stress." you have no idea how it enlightened me instead.

 

Stay healthy, Stay brave, Stay true to yourself.

You own your life..cherish it. :)

“Sister. She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink. Some days, she's the reason you wish you were an only child.”
―Barbara Alpert

".....We born alone. We die alone."

"Lantas bagaimana jadinya dunia ini, jika seluruh umat manusia berpikiran sama seperti Freud? Aku hanya tidak ingin terlalu skeptis."

"Jadi menurutmu aku ini skeptis? I'm just stand up for my rights and perfectly landed on my feet.

Ini namanya realistis"

-BFF, Barbitch pg 13-14.

My heart has a mind of its own - Christian Bautista

 Listen to the song

People try and tell me that its crazy
You and I were never meant to be
I don't believe they know,
and even if it's so
I'm fallen anyway, no matter what they say.

A part of me is taking me by the hand
The world can't see
Still they can't understand
Why can't they understand..

My heart has a mind of its own
Right or wrong its gonna do
Only what it feels is true
I'll follow it wherever it goes
Anywhere it leads me to..
My heart has a mind, mind of its own.

Maybe we won't always be together
Maybe this'll last a thousand year
Ain't nobody knows, and even if they did
It wouldn't matter now
I'd love you anyhow..

My heart knows what I'm needing
My heart knows what I'm feeling
It knows me better than I know myself
My heart knows what I'm missing
All I have to do is listen
And listen well..

Sadly, it's true..

Memilih untuk masuk ke dunia yg dikelilingi oleh orang-orang yang dianggap sebagai mayoritas 'penolong', mungkin pada awalnya semua terasa begitu menarik. Dilindungi siapa saja, telinga yg siap mendengarkan ada dimana-mana, rasa untuk dipahami.. Namun ketika disadarkan oleh realita bahwa walaupun semuanya baik, tidak semuanya ber-niat-baik. Ada yang tulus, yang tidakpun banyak. Ada yang benar-benar peduli, dan tak jarang yang hanya penasaran. Ada yang mau menolong, ada pula yang justru menjerumuskan. Ada yang mengerti dan mau menuntun, begitu pun yang melihat peluang dan membelokkan sisi pandang. Dan tak menutup kemungkinan untuk bertemu yang demikian, karena bukan sedikit. 

Yang lugu dan tidak tahu-menahu memberikan seluruh kepercayaan pada yang mempermainkan hal sakral seperti perasaan. Dengan harapan sedikit dukungan atau sekedar tempat bersandar.. Saat ternyata semua berkata lain, keinginan untuk sembuh malah lebur oleh penyakit yang baru.

Pada akhirnya, menyadari bahwa tidak ada yang dapat diandalkan selain diri sendiri.. Seberapa tangguh, bagaimana menjaga diri seutuhnya. Setiap orang bertanggung jawab atas dirinya..

Yang mungkin memang ironis, untuk memahami hal ini, di populasi yang justru terkenal sebagai apa yang telah disinggung di atas.

"Some people think that the truth can be hidden with a little cover-up and decoration.

But as time goes by, what is true is revealed, and what is fake fades away."

- Ismail Haniyeh  

Among all the terrible thing that has happened,

there is one good thing.

I know i've grown up a little more

by realizing that i've accepted the fact

that he truly happens just to be my eternal Guardian..

not someone I can have completely.

And that's enough.

I'm blessed and grateful

to have met someone like him in my life already

while others keep seeking one.

We can always choose what we want to live in

"Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain.. To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices. Today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it." - Kevyn Aucoin

People choose. People make mistake. Then people choose, all over again.

Sometimes it takes time, for us to realize what we did. what we decided.

At the moment we know we shouldn't have done or even felt something.. we can now call it as regret, or we can just accept it, learn from it and let it go.

In my case, I choose the second one. As hard as I can, admit that it didn't go well at first.. the hardest part was every time I lost my self-control and out of it..

Like may people have read before, I even wrote some things that shouldn't have to be published no matter how implicit my words were. I ever thought about revenge even I didn't do one. I pitied my own self. I showed my worst kind of emotion to other people for the first time in life..

These pas few months, when I had to through such the worst times I've had in my life.. when I had to face my bad sides, when I've finally know the meaning of what I always think as the worst thing ever; hate.

All the hurtful things that eventually(like it or not) always make my maturity to reach the higher level.

Besides, at the other side, I unexpectedly found some interesting truths and new experiences during all that process, my life cycle. While trying to understand about the fact that people who know less but keep judging are always around, I decided to start prove that I've got something better to show ahead..

I guess what i'm trying to say is..

I do apologize to all my close and dearest people or even anyone for every inconvenience I made in my difficult times. I can't help but promise by every thing that has happened, I will fix my self.

I can't say that I can be as warm as before like they demand, still I swear that I wouldn't change myself into a coldhearted one. I will use my gift or every thing I have in a better way, I will stand bravely on my own feet, I will survive until I can get out of this horrible circle and have enough courage to help all the people I love so I don't have to be alone any more, like someone has said to me that he believes me no matter what I could do that. And that trust means so much to me anyhow..

So that's it..

it may not be easy to grow up..

But when I choose to let go of what's not meant to be, I clear a path for good stuff to find me.. :)

-Pishella Suryoputri-

When evil thought dominates people's mind. And they be like.....

"Tanpa memperdulikan bagaimana saya berusaha, seolah tanpa nurani dia asal berkata..

Ntah dengan fitnah bagaimana ia bercerita, hingga pada akhirnya tetap saya penjahatnya..

Just when I thought I’ve passed the hardest part.. I’m just way too naive that I believe no matter what, happiness would come in the end. Lessons, experiences, and those kind of things.. Mungkin makna kehidupan memang tidak seindah dan semulus itu.

Keyakinan bahwa pada dasarnya semua orang itu baik, dan hal-hal disekitarnya lah yang membuat dirinya harus terpaksa melakukan hal buruk..but turns out, there are some people that would do awful thing in purpose.

Selama ini hanya memandang sisi baik tanpa menyadari banyak aspek di kehidupan ini yg begitu kotor, jahat, menjijikkan. Mudah menelan omongan orang lain dan kepercayaan bahwa mereka akan selalu berkata jujur, ternyata malah menjadi boomerang bagi diri sendiri..

Saya memang bodoh untuk memutuskan membaca hal-hal tersebut, untuk awalnya ikut tersenyum sambil menangis membaca cerita cinta indahnya, sampai akhirnya menemukan fakta yang ada..

Badan yang bergetar, tangan yang dingin, kaki yang lemas..my heart literally aches. Seketika arti dari airmata yang turun pun berubah.

Muncul perasaan-perasaan yang belum pernah dirasakan sebelumnya..bukan hanya sekedar kecewa, sedih, atau anggapan terkhianati. Apakah ini yang disebut marah? Apakah ini yang disebut rasa benci? Seolah sisi buruk dalam diri yang selama ini terpendam tiba-tiba datang ke permukaan..hingga timbul rasa ingin menghancurkan. Atau mungkin berteriak dan meracau.

I found myself as a really bad person which is because I have so many terrible thoughts and I don’t even know who I am. I feel like truly lost my self..

It’s just sad when I realized, semua yang terjadi..semata-mata karena adanya kepercayaan yang dihancurkan. To know that in the end.......... he’s just a liar, a big one.

Percaya tidak pernah dibohongi siapapun, dan ternyata di balik punggung telah begitu lama dibohongi justru oleh satu-satunya sosok yang dicintai.

I know it makes that am not the only one who’s being lied to, and what kills me is that she thinks of me that way without knowing the truth. But all lies from him.

Semua cerita yang diputarbalikkan hingga saya yang dianggap menjijikkan. She judges me much when she doesn’t even know me at all, when she doesn’t know what he did….."

"Kita dua wanita, mencintai lelaki yang sama.. Namun pernahkan anda berpikir bahwa saya pun mengetahui bahwa pada akhirnya dia tetap akan memilih anda apapun yang terjadi? Pernahkah terbesit dalam pikiran anda bahwa banyak hal yang tidak akan saya lakukan apabila bukan karena dia yang meminta? Tidakkah anda tau betapa saya pun selalu bertanya dan menghormati posisi anda namun dia yang menutupi semuanya? Betapa saya selalu ingin pergi dari kehidupan kalian.. Jangan pikir bahwa harga diri saya hanya sebatas yang anda ketahui. Bagaimanapun kita sama-sama perempuan, dan saya yakin anda lebih dari sekedar pintar untuk menangkap apa maksud saya. Dan sungguh, apapun yang terjadi pada diri saya, saya tidak akan menggunakan latar belakang keluarga sebagai tameng dan alasan..jadi tolong jangan dikait-kaitkan sembarangan dan mengatakan semua karena kasihan.

I wish you know that from the start, I promised myself that I will never cross your line..

You may think that i'm the one who messed everything up, just do whatever you want, cause I will never be good enough. Chill, you will never lose anything. :)"

But I am.......... I’ve lost my belief to the beauty of that so called "Truth".