"Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain.. To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices. Today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it." - Kevyn Aucoin
People choose. People make mistake. Then people choose, all over again.
Sometimes it takes time, for us to realize what we did. what we decided.
At the moment we know we shouldn't have done or even felt something.. we can now call it as regret, or we can just accept it, learn from it and let it go.
In my case, I choose the second one. As hard as I can, admit that it didn't go well at first.. the hardest part was every time I lost my self-control and out of it..
Like may people have read before, I even wrote some things that shouldn't have to be published no matter how implicit my words were. I ever thought about revenge even I didn't do one. I pitied my own self. I showed my worst kind of emotion to other people for the first time in life..
These pas few months, when I had to through such the worst times I've had in my life.. when I had to face my bad sides, when I've finally know the meaning of what I always think as the worst thing ever; hate.
All the hurtful things that eventually(like it or not) always make my maturity to reach the higher level.
Besides, at the other side, I unexpectedly found some interesting truths and new experiences during all that process, my life cycle. While trying to understand about the fact that people who know less but keep judging are always around, I decided to start prove that I've got something better to show ahead..
I guess what i'm trying to say is..
I do apologize to all my close and dearest people or even anyone for every inconvenience I made in my difficult times. I can't help but promise by every thing that has happened, I will fix my self.
I can't say that I can be as warm as before like they demand,
still I swear that I wouldn't change myself into a coldhearted one. I will use my gift or every thing I have in a better way, I will stand bravely on my own feet, I will survive until I can get out of this horrible circle and have enough courage to help all the people I love so I don't have to be alone any more, like someone has said to me that he believes me no matter what I could do that. And that trust means so much to me anyhow..
So that's it..
it may not be easy to grow up..
But when I choose to let go of what's not meant to be, I clear a path for good stuff to find me.. :)
-Pishella Suryoputri-
