One Step Braver..

Backsound: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbmta_UiEvw

Without knowing where I should start.

So..... that's all. "Indescribable twelve days story."
For the first time, I was totally never thought it would be like this.
Trapped me in a situation i've never been there before.. That deep yet complicated.
One moment, thought it would be such a joyful journey, exciting one..
It's true that it really ever gave me pleasant times i've never wished.
When suddenly, my heart told me to hold for a sec. I did stop and was trying to figure everything out..
When suddenly, the world just like tell me the truth I should know..

Some stories has been made only by four to five times of meeting.
Once, felt everything was clearly fine. I even felt like that was one of the best moment ever when we stood under the trees and rain.. lighty chitchat, some jokes and the way you treated me that whole evening..
Told everything. And now, realizing that was my first mistake which made my own self trapped by the game you're trying to play with my feeling. I opened the door widely when you actually don't even wanna open your curtain..
First, second and third of all.. The only thing I can feel was only deceitful happiness.
Still drunk by all of your poisons.. All of the meaningless words, those heartcatching pictures, even the songs you played right next to me that time.

All kinds of thing you knew to make a woman feel special and also you knew you can steal everything you've given to me anytime you want just by the excuse sounds "you are the one who feel that way; you are the one who puts your expectation; you are the one who let me comes to your house and mess everything up".....
Very smart of you, man.

Convinced myself that I could handle it.. even everything became more confusing each day..
Until that last time..
I was totally talked about everything and asked what I can ask, because I knew it would be hard to make you answer all of my questions clearly.. But still, I trusted you stupidly. Where actually all you did was just teasing me and playing with my fragile heart wickedly. By any techniques you knew.
Made my feelings up and down many times, and you did that on purpose. The worst purpose by a jerk.
In the end, you offered me two choices. And again, based on what I felt for you, I chose the first one. The one you said you've also wanted. For what's called "us" to be exist.. And you even said you did love..... eventho I knew i'm not the only one. You knew what's my point of weakness. And you struck it.

Till night.. Still felt like nothing's wrong. Was enjoying every moment. Every step we've through together.
Those surprising grasps, hugs, kisses, jokes, laughter.. The moment when I thought we're the happiest persons that time until we can't even say anything but smile.....


What we've been build for those six hours.. no, these twelve days..
it's been broken just by less than a minute......
how hurt was that.....
Sick with all of your conspiracy, tired with all the things you hide, hurt by any games you were playing. And those fluctuations you gave to myself.....

And I decided to just picked the second one in the end..
you said, if we do stop, we will see who's the one who will feel like losing, which I actually knew.. you won't.
so, we just ended everything.
We ended something that even never been started..


Yesterday, the hardest time you ever gave to me this whole time.
The way you showed me everything you did and held.. Those cynical sights.. Those silences like there's really never anything has happened between us.
Tried to tell myself that everything would be fine in the end.. Although I had to pretend like i'm not even sad at all when I honestly felt so awful until it felt so hard just to swallow my spittle when I saw you two..
I did masking a lot.


After one full day under distress,
again and again.. what's so called Universe suddenly made everything seemed to the brightest for myself.
I always believe there's no coincidence,
when suddenly that late night, by some little accident, someone just came to me and we had some hours to walk for a little journey together. And that's the time where I got the answer for this whole complicated things. All of the answer I need to hear to convince me with anything. The one who told me the truth i've never knew..

Unexpected thing happened, which really helps me thru this hard time. Universe just showed me its new script. And it's way too surprising and amazing. Just got new lesson that we should never-ever-doubt God's help in any case. It will come greatly when you least expect it through anything you've even never had imagine before.

I suddenly healed like.. totally. I realized everything.
Now I believe that I took a right decision..
Now I know the truths..
Now I understand why everything does happen this way..
most importantly,
Now I get myself back and  I got a new-very-precious-lesson from this valuable experience.
It even taught me that next time I really have to be stronger and learn how to make a good defense for my own heart. That one says I shouldn't judge myself too much anymore..
Just be a tough woman, then! :)

So.. maybe that's all I can tell. It's just.. if 'you' maybe read this post..

I would like to tell you.. from the deepest of my heart, I wanna say thank you so much.

For everything I got by knowing you in my life even just for a very little tiny time.

You've no idea how many lessons you gave to me indirectly..

Even though I've never showed you my tears and just always told you that my heart has been shaken too much.. I believe you knew that's what makes me one step braver just like I told ya.

thanks for all those pleasant times.. thanks for this new exciting experience cause whether it was good nor bad, you knew I always want this and ready for anything. I didn't lie to ya, tho. :)

thanks for made me learn one new thing..
not to present in two people who already has a long history before my existence. :)

If I may to say this kind of thing.. My one last request, for you not to think someone's feeling as a toy anymore.. cause you know, "as you sow, so shall you reap"..

Based on what I still feel for you right now plus there's no reason for me to have such a hate or mad feeling to you.. So i'm just going to see this case with a positive reappraisal ;)

I apologize that everything doesn't go well just like what you want. I'm not strong or good enough to stand by you.. and i'm sorry for always seems that I take everything too seriously.
You knew it from the start :)

Well.. It's gonna be my last post for you and about us.

I know it's impossible to forget you, cause you do know that you will always be in my unconscious mind even though I try to remove ya.. so I think i'm just gonna do repress about this whole thing.

wish me luck and..... have a good life ahead :)