When it suddenly becomes..

For a moment, I thought..

"If you simply ignored the feeling right now, you would never know what might happen. And when people ask me why I run, I tell them, there's no really a reason. It's just the adrenalin when you start, and the bloomy feeling when you cross that finish line in someone's heart. Cause however, even someone has flown and fallen, swum deep and drowned, but there should be more to love than surviving. Thinking you are that one."

when it suddenly becomes..

"I don't know whether I should stay and keep going or just leave.. Is it all true? Or all of these are just in my head. If I do stay, would you come? And can I stand still? If I do leave, then what's the point of this? Did I took a wrong step? I do try to hold.. Cause I know I can't just avoid. Like it or not.. I'm trying to figure it out. Knowing something wrong with it. Still playing with fire, say that i'm ready to be burned or do the opposite, watering it. In fact, I haven't get burned yet but I've dampened it with some tears. It's so hard to always having this kind of complicated and fussy mind. To make a conclusion without knowing the truth which actually had never been told before.
Then what should I do..?"


Just came to my mind the second i'm typing it..
"You just need to understand that everything does need process and you shouldn't take anything too seriously" - Pishella's doing monologue over and over again.

Well, guess there's should be a relationship status for "I don't even know what's going on"

-tumblr 

"My feelings starts off as a picked flower, and everyone knows a picked flower sooner or later dies. I want to be with that person that is willing to take the seeds from that picked flower and create a garden of flowers, someone who will tend to my garden of feelings and won't let them die."

"I'm aware.. I'm not everyone's cup of tea.

I'd rather be someone's shot of tequila.." 

Unconditional..

"Begitu cinta membara, maka sungai-sungai tak dapat memadamkan serta menghanyutkannya"

Dengan demikian, cinta pada hakikatnya merupakan sesuatu yang sacred, sakral.

Bersumber dari kedalaman Kasih sang Khalik sendiri.

Bahwa dalam perjalanannya cinta menjadi tidak lagi sakral dan tercemari oleh banyak pengaruh profan yang bersumber dari kedagingan manusia,
sehingga pijar cinta itu memudar atau bahkan musnah, maka itu perkara lain.

Namun penghargaan terhadap cinta merupakan sesuatu yang mutlak.

Sumber:

http://prasetyajosy.blogspot.com/2011_11_01_archive.html

Until it become Crystal Clear

That moment when you're just about to open the door and see what's next, but suddenly, it opened for you automatically and plied you with so many surprises which you've never thought about before..
Even though everything still seems so grey, but somehow it has a thing that got exactly right to myself already.
I may know nothing even the purpose, but this thing really does make me feel challenging yet loving.
Brighten up my days.. Lighten up my nights. It has got one of those points.
Whether it's the expert one nor it's just I'm the weak one.. Hate to realize that it all happens too fast, it what makes a defense of myself not to fall that easy. Meanwhile, I should admit that this kind of thing makes myself up with its tenderness. Every poison it has that makes me drunk..
All the good sides, and some bad sides I haven't know yet..
Say to myself, what if it's gone.. Do the monologue, I answer, so again, this is your new lesson.
Interesting one..
It can be as good as dreamydream, also it can be as bad as hurt.
Thinking to just enjoy the moment and wondering..
What would it be..
Where it is heading to..
Until it become crystal clear.


Just do what can I do, though. :D

Stand Right Above Myself

It's actually quite surprising how it all ended that fast.
It's all started when..

I suddenly think the whole thing which strike me does confuses me.
I suddenly have a deep conviction that this's the right time.

Deceitful happiness, temporary. I'd rather to stand on my own and reach those things with my hands. For I know I can never count on anyone.

When now I realize that actually I was just missing the old me.
Care for myself first then another person.
Want nothing but independence.

Hate to knowing that there's a limitation.
Strong willing to feel all the experiences out there.
Thirst of lessons in life.

I'm taking my time deciding how I want my life to be and who I want to spend it with.

Meanwhile..
The other side of my heart is telling me that I actually don't need to be that strong for thinking I could do anything without depending on someone.
So heart says.

Simply..
Maybe this is just all I need right now.

And I do, and will always be..
Believe that God and Universe will always help me through any hard time with its conspiracy which can be more than incredible than I've ever thought.

I did lost one thing, but what I got as its returns is priceless. :)

Killing Some Time (repost)

1. Can you legally drink?

Think so, 17 is legal right?

2. Will you be married in the next 2 years?

hmmm nope :) I plan about 7years from now

3. Is it easy for others to make you feel awkward?

yup, hiksss

4. What are your least favorite school subjects?

Civic..

5. Who was the last person you called?

my sister

6. Do you prefer to call or text?

depend..

7. Do you have a pet?

2 cats :D Cancan and Bubu

8. What did you do today?

Just take care of my mom.. she's not really well :(

9. Do you like carrots?

not really..

10. When is the last time you saw your mom?

about 2 hours ago

11. Do you believe in karma?

I prefer to say "what you give is what you get.. it's a nature law"

12. Are you taller than 5'5"?

How many metre is that? I'm 1.62 m :(

13. How many city/towns have you lived in?

5 cities so far..

14. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?

shoesss

15. Are you a social person?

I'm a social loner.

16. What was the last thing you drank?

mineral watter

17. What are your favorite colors?

peach and broken white..

21. Do you like coffee?

kinda..

22. Would you rather have money or love?

Ideally love, realistically, money.

23. Have you ever sat on a roof?

Yup

24. What are you listening to?

George Benson - The Greatest love of all

25. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?

I don't really pay attention but guess so.

26. Do you know how to play poker?

nah..

27. What are you thinking about right now?

your next question.. ha

28. Any plans for the weekend?

well it's weekend actually..

29. What time do you get up in the morning?

depends on what time I go to sleep..

31. Do you eat ranch with your pizza?

Ranch? As in where you put your horses? I guess then its a NO.

32. Last person you IM'ed?

I'm not an IM-user

33. Have you ever been in an ambulance?

No.

34. Do you prefer an ocean or pool?

Pool..

35. What color shirt are you wearing?

Tosca..

36. Do you know how to drive a stick shift?

what's a stick shift?

37. What's bothering you right now?

my college assignments.. x_x

38. Do you hold grudges?

I'm not :)

40. Who's myspace page did you visit last?

I don't have myspace :'''''')

41. Are you a Lost fanatic?

nope. Grey's anatomy YES. :p

43. Earphones or headphones?

Earphones!

44. At this very moment what should you be doing?

Sleep..

45. Do you read novels often?

Used to. But not anymore :(

46. What is the color of your bedroom walls?

Cream-ish

47. Do you shut off the water while you brush your teeth?

I do..

49. Are you mad about anything?

Sometimes..

50. Do you sing obnoxiously in the car?

Yes, like totally! haha

51. Last 2 people to call you?

Unknown number and another unknown number..

52. Have you ever thought you didn't like someone, and then found out that you really liked them?

emmmmm never, so far..

54. How was this weekend?

So-so

55. Do/did you listen to your parents?

I do and I don't.

56. Stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?

I don't do stupid thing with it, I do with my friends B-)

57. Is there anyone that doesn't like you because of something you did?

Maybe..

58. Do you think your first love affects the way you go on with life?

hmmmmm.. kind of affects my love-life, only love-life not LIFE.

59. The phone rings. What is your ring tone?

always in silent, actually..

60. Did you go anywhere yesterday?

I did

61. Who was the last person you shared beds with?

Mom and Cancan

62. Favorite drink?

Cold mineral water >.<

63. Does the person you like know that you like them?

my family, my friends, my boyfie, even my crush know it! haha :')

64. Where are you right now?

My bedroom

65. If you HAD to kiss the last person you kissed, would you?

Uhm.

66. Favorite gadget in the kitchen?

not a gadget lover at all..

67. Favorite pie?

Pie is not my thing.

68. How is your hair?

not really nice I think.. :(

69. Where's the last place you walked to?

kitchen..

70. Last time you had a sleepover?

about 3months ago.. after my highschool promnite

71. Latest you stayed up in the past week?

1ish.

72. What are you doing, aside from answering these questions?

listening to music and blogwalkin

73. Have you been in a car accident?

Thank God, nope.

74. What is the last thing you said aloud?

well..it makes me realize that i've been not talk out loud lately x_x

75. Who's the 1st person on your missed calls list?

Mom

76. What did the last text message you received say?

"i've sent email for you"

77. Last time you went to church?

I don't do church-ing

DESCRIBE YOUR:

78.Wallet

Thick. with bills. haha well.. it's black and made from leather.. saying this makes me feel like a murder :s

79.Eyes?

BIG. Chocolate and totally blurrr :')

80.Life?

indescribable, uh? :p

WHAT ARE YOU:

81.Doing this weekend to come?

back to home and visit mommm

82.Wearing?

tosca tshirt and blue shortpants..

83.Wanting?

many things

84.Listening to?

End of the Road - Boyz ii men

85.What do you smell?

nothing..?

86. Do you sleep naked?

nope

87. Do you like seafood?

nope

88. Do you remember your dreams?

I do and i don't

89. Do you consider yourself a study freak?

sometimes

90. Do you speak another language other than English?

Indonesian, a lil bit French, is Javanese count?

91.What did you do last night?

went back to home..

92. What do you hate?

1st thing on my list : rude people who doesn't care about manner

93.Orange or apple juice?

don't really like both..

94.Who were the last people you went out to lunch with?

my uni's pals..

95.Last thing you ate?

beef cornet..

96. People you love?

main family.. my bestfriends.. boyfie..

97. Your hobby?

watch movies and browsing..

98. What's your favorite subject at school?

when I was in school.. english&sociology, in college, philosophy and General Psychology

99. Who's the last person who kissed you?

my boyfie..

100. Why are you answering these questions?

Killing some time..

i'm afraid of 18 out of 69 common fears (repost)

Cross out the things you’re afraid of and put you’re score at the top.

1. the dark
2. staying single forever
3. being a parent
4. giving birth
5. being myself in front of others
6. open spaces
7. closed spaces
8. heights
9. dogs
10. birds
11. fish
12. spiders
13. flowers or other plants
14. being touched
15. fire
16. deep water
17. snakes
18. silk
19. the ocean
20. failure
21. success
22. thunder/lightning
23. frogs/toads
24. my boyfriends/girlfriends dad
25. boyfriends/girlfriends mom  
26. rats
27. jumping from high places
28. snow
29. rain
30. wind
31. crossing hanging bridges
32. death
33. heaven
34. being robbed
35. falling
36. clowns
37. dolls
38. large crowds of people
39. men
40. women
41. having great responsibilities
42. doctors, including dentists
43. tornadoes
44. hurricanes
45. incurable diseases
46. sharks
47. friday the 13th
48. ghosts
49. poverty
50. halloween
51. school
52. trains
53. odd numbers
54. even numbers
55. being alone
56. becoming blind
57. becoming deaf
58. growing up
59. creepy noises in the night
60. bee stings
61. not accomplishing my dreams/goals
62. needles
63. blood
64. dinosaurs
65. the welcome mat
66. high speed
67. throwing up
68. Falling in love
69. super secrets

If you repost this, it’s been requested that you title it “I’m afraid of _ out of 69 common fears”

If you get more than 30, I strongly recommend some counseling.

If you get more than 20, you’re paranoid.

If you get 10-20, you are normal.

If you get 10 or less, you’re fearless.

People who don’t have any are liar

Nice one

A view days ago, I found a really nice post link that tells about the lessons of life, and that's really quite interesting and nice, and I would like to share in here..

So this is it..

Introduction

These are some lessons I wish I had learned much earlier in life.

The Lessons

1. You can’t look for a long term partner and a sexual encounter at the same time. You must look in different places, with different techniques. For example, in a place with loud music, it is impossible for a potential partner to get you know you. Someone just looking for sex does not care. As a general rule, the longer you postpone getting into bed, the longer your partner will hang around afterward.
2. When you are young, you tend to seek the best looking partner. This attractiveness will be gone in a flash. Instead pick someone easy to live with who has no nerve-grating habits.
3. There are three kinds of people:
   1. Those that like you naturally, or who would if they met you.
   2. Those that like you only while you are performing a mating dance with a steady stream of compliments, gifts, entertainments and undivided attention.
   3. Those that will never like you, including ones who had a relationship with you in the past and decided they did not like you after all.
   For the purposes of finding a suitable partner, studiously ignore anyone in category 2 or 3 no matter how attractive.
4. Most of your time you spend wishing for things, sometimes things you might buy, but it could be relationships, health, physical fitness, political changes… But think. In past, every time you achieved one of these things, the pleasure is momentary, sometimes over in a fraction of a second, and rarely lasting more than a week. So to achieve continuous happiness this way requires some major achievement or acquisition every couple of days. This is impossible. If you want a continuously happy life, you must do it by learning to appreciate what is under your nose, here and now. Your desires seductively promise happiness if you but become a slave to them, but they cannot deliver.
5. The life lesson I most wish I had learned early in life is: If your partner dumps you, that is absolute proof they were not the one no matter how attached you feel, no matter how much you believe you could never love another, no matter how great it used to be, no matter if the heartbreak is the worst pain you ever felt.
   P.S. Your partner did not dump you if all they did was have sex with someone else.
6. Play with your food! Do this, not to be virtuous, but out of curiosity. For three days, drop some food from your diet and pay attention to any differences. Do you have more or less energy? Do you sleep better or worse? Do you have more or less diarrhea? Are you more or less constipated? Do you have more or less gas? Do you feel more or less irritable? Foods you might consider for experimentation include: sugar, coffee, meat, eggs, nuts, fresh fruits, orange juice, bread, pasta, corn cereals, wheat, salt, dairy products or anything you eat a large amount of. If you notice a dramatic improvement, that might motivate you to consider a permanent change in your diet putting the troublesome foods on the back burner. Similarly, try adding a new food to your diet, or increasing the amount you eat, for three days to see what happens. You might consider salads, fresh fruit, fresh vegetables, fish, vitamin supplements, protein supplements or any of the foods I mentioned earlier to try deleting. You might be surprised to discover that candy bar you grab to give you energy has the exact opposite effect. No matter what happens, whether you feel better, you feel worse or nothing at all happens, this is still useful information you can use in shaping your future diet. Something very simple might just hugely improve your life. If you do discover something significant, you will kick yourself for not doing this sooner.
7. You have heard it a thousand times in a hundred different ways. The past cannot be changed. The past is over. The past is frozen in liquid plastic; not a molecule can move. Yet still you say to yourself what my mother called the saddest words in the English language, “if only”. To say “If only I had taken time to…” is as silly as saying “If only I had a flying pig, I could go on the Tonight Show.” You cannot change the past, though you can change your attitude to it using techniques like EMDR. You cannot change the past, though you can learn from it and ensure you don’t repeat the same mistakes in future. If ever you catch yourself in regret, immediately reframe that to “I must make sure I never make that mistake again” and let it go.
8. If someone does not like you, even if they once did, give up. Even if you succeed in temporarily getting them to like you, it will take escalating work to maintain the relationship. Seek your partners among those who naturally like you. The rest might as well be invisible vis a vis potential partners. Chasing after people who have rejected you is as silly as going to the movies and waiting for some movie star to become your partner. On the other hand, don’t presume people won’t like you just because they are extraordinarily wonderful or beautiful. Pay attention to the objective clues as to how well they like you, not to how well you calculate they should like you based on your relative pecking order status. Hollywood convention is that if the girl rejects the guy in the first reel, guaranteed they will be married in the last. Real life does not work that way. Movies are just wishful fantasies. If it appears no one likes you, find out why. Even a small improvement may help. Are you too clingy?, are you always thinking about what the relationship can do for you, never for your partner?, are you overweight?, do you have an unpleasant body or mouth odour?, do you lack tact? You can’t change other people, but you can change yourself.
9. Even if all your problems were caused 100% by your parents it is pointless to wring your hands about the terrible hand life dealt you. Nearly everyone heals their issues with their parents. It is just a matter of how soon you get on with it.
10. Every moment, you are consciously or unconsciously deciding what to do next. You have some unwritten rules for deciding your priorities. You may usually do whatever makes the most money, which will be the most fun, which will be the easiest, which will give you the biggest rush, which will make you healthiest, most enlightened, most well liked, most respected, the most secure, the most laid, the most powerful, the most famous, the most feared, the best looking, the most knowledgeable etc. If you change the rules even slightly, you will live a completely different life. Try asking different questions. See what happens when you ask “What will be most useful to the universe?”. Your priority rules are the biggest lever you have in determining your fate. Of course the other big controlling priority is what you choose to spend your time thinking about.
11. Do it now! Nearly all the great mathematicians and physicists did their best work in their twenties. If you have grand dreams, realise them now. You may well not have the energy later. Time seems to stretch endlessly ahead of you, but your life is over in an eyeblink.
12. Don’t be attached to the results of your action. Constant checking to see if your work has born fruit just wastes time and causes discouragement. Some liken it to digging up a seed you have planted each day to see how it is doing. Get on with something else. Never underestimate the power of the futile gesture.
13. Understating your case is more persuasive than overstating it. You supply the facts. Let others supply the emotion. If you supply the emotion, others will take no action, believing you must have already handled the problem.
14. When you can’t get what you want, one alternative to trying harder to get it, is to talk yourself out of wanting it so badly, at least not getting yourself upset over it. Similarly, when people do obnoxious things, you are not obligated to get upset. For exactly how to avoid getting upset, see Living Love.
15. You can’t tell if someone is lying just by how sincere they sound. Habitual liars are those who have polished lying to a high art. You would never suspect them based on their look or demeanor. However, I have noticed liars tend to repeat the same old talking points, and take a little too long to answer simple questions. They have to compose the answers first and think about if they are falling into a consistency trap.
16. The years pass faster and faster as you get older. By the time you reach puberty, your life is half over in psychological time. Don’t procrastinate the truly important things.
17. If it sounds to good to be true, it nearly always is. Don’t waste time looking for zero-effort ways to do things. You just set yourself up to be conned. Find out what methods the people who actually succeeded have used.
18. Think globally; act locally. Saving the world is a huge job. Yours is just a small part. However, it is a necessary part.
19. The things you worry most about almost never happen. If you don’t believe me, start tracking them.

20. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
    ~ Rita Mae Brown (born: 1944-11-28 age: 67) in Sudden Death often misattributed to Benjamin Franklin.
    

    Persistence is great, but you must persist with something that works.

21. Other people do things that annoy you, not to annoy you, but in the usually-vain hope that doing so will make them feel better.
22. Despite the protestations of absolute Truth, there is a tremendous amount of lying surrounding religion and spirituality.
23. At many times in your life it will seem as if you have absolutely no energy or resources. But even then you can find something you can do that will marginally improve your lot or keep it from getting even worse than it would have naturally.
24. If you are not making any progress on your big dreams, the very bigness of the dreams may be paralysing you. Think instead, "What could I do today that would marginally improve my lot." Focus not so much on where you want to go, but where you could go immediately from here.
25. When you are coming in for a landing in a plane and your ears won’t pop and you have a splitting headache, just plug your nose and blow gently.
26. When you have dry congested nose, just snort up a bit of water to clean it out.
27. Boiling water is a remarkable cleanser for kitchen or bathroom. It dissolves dried on muck, kills germs, deodorises, leaving no residue or perfume or caustic chemical odour.
28. The human body is only designed to last for forty years in the wild. You must take extraordinary care of it over your whole life if you want it to last you in comfort the eighty or ninety we humans live now. Don’t buy into the religious notion it is wicked to look after your body.
29. While chasing after riches leads to an empty life, chasing after poverty also leads to misery. Neither extreme is as pleasant as the fairy tales make it out to be.
30. Winning the heart of someone much more physically attractive than you can lead to misery by several routes.
    • Others will compete to woo them away.
    • You may become too besotted, and allow yourself to become psychologically enslaved.
    • Chances are they are flawed in character or some other way otherwise you would not have been able to win them. You may find you have got yourself quite a temperamental handful.
    • You can start feeling unworthy.
    You are better off finding someone more evenly matched in beauty who enjoys the same activities you do.

Referensi: http://mindprod.com/deepthoughts/wise.html

Well, there are some things that I would like to share here, mulai dari saya yang akhirnya mengakhiri hari-hari yang dihabiskan dengan penuh-ke-tidak-manfaat-an 5 bulan terakhir ini sejak selesai UN. Masa-masa pengangguran yang serba hedon dan penuh kemalasan telah saya putuskan untuk cukup berakhir disini saja. Sekarang, saatnya dunia perkuliahan dimulai. Dari masa-masa ospek kemarin, segala perjalanan setiap hari berangkat pukul 03.30 dari Tangerang menuju tempat ospek, segala preparations atributnya, kelelahannya, terrifiednya, seneng-senengnya, pengalamannya, telah saya lalui. Bagaimana perkenalan dengan dunia kampus, kakak-kakak senior, dan tentunya teman-teman baru :)

Ohya, dan juga bagaimana kini saya telah tinggal sendiri, going to the most tough city in this country, leaving home, leaving the facilities, leaving the town, but all of the hardest is, leaving my mom all alone :( I always remember the moment when my mom cried a lot, really hard when she left my new place. Eventho it's just about Tangerang to Halimun, it's hard enough for us, it's really fine for me to live alone, but it's so hard to leave mom who said that she wouldn't survive without me.. but it's what we have to through.. it's a part of life journey. It's really fine to be sad for a while, to let out all of ur feelings, but always remember when you have to rise :) we just hope that it's all worth it for my education :)

And for all of my friends, and all of people whose just entered the university life just like me, let's pray for the best to ourselves :D agar lekas bisa beradaptasi, merasa nyaman as soon as possible dan bisa menjalani perkuliahan dengan lancar dalam segi apapun itu.

Goodluck, folks! <3